I’ve been thinking about Fathers day in Australia. It was yesterday. And thankfully good surfs were had.

I have three children, their surfer dad and I have dedicated everything to live in this small country town with premium surf and no stop lights and to raise children according to the wind and swell direction – i mean according to their needs ….

Surfing and being a family comes with much happiness but oh boy does it come with alot of conflict as well.

You both want to surf like you’ve always surfed before the babies came along because it’s how you function in the world.

But being a new family and the responsibilties of work, financial constraints, feeding, lack of sleep, whether you have family around to help, or friends with kids the same age who also surf to the same ability as you (very important) surfing becomes hard and even harder to share. And if there is something to actually surf when you are finally free.

And if you are the non surfer in the partnership your sainthood awaits you depending on how patient and gracious you’ve been. Some of us are NOT.

Somewhere in those early intense child rearing years the need to surf can become a battle ground. And the unpredictable nature of surfing creates a further spiral of despair.

There is the inconsistency of swells, the only time you have off there’s no swell/not enough swell/wrong wind/too crowded/too sharky (we’re in Margaret RIver) /it was perfect but getting the baby fed meant the wind came in/it was pumping and someone got sick/ you surf he resents it/he surfs you resent it/ it took ages to get that LAST wave in because you never just paddle in …my goodness could i go on…..and the meh surfing weeks roll past.

Add in that it takes a long time to surf- find a spot, park, check it out, get suited up, catch a couple of waves and thats a good two hours probably, any more waves just add more time, then hopping out, getting a coffee and a post surf chat and there goes the morning.

You get back and you’ve stayed out past an unspoken curfew and with a sigh and thoughts of your last wave you soldier on…

A jog – easy peasy but there go the non land loving knees or maybe laps at the pool – an hour tops for most, especially surfers who hate laps.

Why write such misery you ask? as you declare ‘ im never having children!’ even if you already do. And Is there a harmonious way forward through these acrimonious times?

Yes. And Here are some instructions from this complete stranger that will help

a) being honest with yourselves about the selfishness of surfing is a start (and i don’t mean telling the other person they are selfish cause like when does that EVER work)

b) accepting your lack of control over the weather helps and

c)that those kids rock and

d) find a POOL, pools have creches- handball those children to dedicated professionals and your paddle arms will thank you for it. And none of that rubbish about the chlorine and how your soul isn’t free if it swims in a pool blah blah blah.

Instead remember that time when you heard a person state ‘ oh yeah i used to surf’ and they sounded like the saddest person in the world. Don’t let that be you.

Swimmimg helps mental health and keeps you fit for when you do finally get to surf.

Lastly in the post haze of Fathers Day try to Negotiate the above with a kind heart that knows surfing is what you both love to do and share your way through… to the older years, when those babies don’t give a rats about surfing in a rage of teenage rebellion and you’re freeeeeeee.

Written from years of observation and experience…

xthj